Mega Gripe

This sick, disgusting woman nearly cost me my mental health as well as my physical having to work alongside her, even over a very limited period of time - She is short, homely (strongly resembling Barbra Streisand/Joy Behar) and is markedly pear-shaped/overweight. In particular, she has a big fat a$$, matching in dimensions almost exactly those of her desk chair (from which she rarely gets up). She will opt to call the next office/cube over, mere feet away, on a high volume speaker phone rather than rise (maddeningly, one can hear one's own phone passive aggressively ringing through her speaker, while at the same time, ringing at one's own desk! This is always particularly delightful at or around 5 PM). On an occasion in which she actually MUST get up, say, for one of the dozens of wholly unnecessary and time consuming 'meetings' she schedules, cancels then reschedules via some overworked and underpaid peon, she can often be spotted, post nugatory 'meeting', standing over one of her targets' desks chomping gum or loping around the office in absurd 'weight loss shoes' (all the while sucking on an enormous cup of sugar laden iced coffee and/or helping herself to candy off the desk of another overworked and underpaid peon). She is in a quasi-managerial position which requires her to, on a daily basis, lick the a$$e$ of the company 'owner's' (up for debate but that's another story in and of itself) two spoiled, ne'er-do-well and oh-so-LAWNG ISLAND adult progeny 'employed' there (all the while undertaking their horrifically neglected responsibilities in tandem with those within her own job description, not to mention cleaning up the daily messes left in the wake of their gross incompetence - the position she currently holds was initially held by the eldest of the two prior to being demoted due to marked ineptitude - by the eldest's very own father). You'd think one would be sympathetic to her plight, non? Absolutely not. This woman acts like a bully on a Five Towns (ew) LAWNG ISLAND (where she originally hails from, big surprise) playground. She's blatantly sarcastic, has zero loyalties (barring those whose a$$e$ she's conscripted to lick - see above), mean, unapproachable, manipulative, passive aggressive, a liar, a poor and insecure 'manager' and bitterly envious of happy, sociable, fit women. She detests her job and projects her vast dissatisfaction onto those subordinates (or contemporaries) she perceives as a threat utilizing a melange of tormenting tactics such as (but certainly not limited to): 1) A virtual 'silent treatment' (all the while vigorously paying heed to a colleague in close proximity for the express purpose of making the left out party feel that much more uncomfortable), 2) sardonic forced laughter, 3) the slamming of doors, 4) refusal of eye contact and 5) ardent and repetitive attempts at making her target of choice appear foolish in front of others utilizing any means possible, even that of blatant disingenuousness; the latter most often occurring at the aforementioned nugatory 'meetings'. She is hoping against hope to hitch onto the star of her equally overweight, ugly and uneducated twenty-something year old son whom she naively believes will be a blinding success in, among other trivialities, peddling trinkets that the Chinese developed and began manufacturing years earlier (she even put her own house on the chopping block to finance his 'business ventures'). Beware this woman. Avoid at all costs. She's 'Gaslight' come to life.